The Importance of Honesty for Parents

I think that there is a significant lack of honesty in our culture, society, families and within our own hearts. The evidence is overwhelming, we see it every where online, in the media, at work, and at home. It is hard to admit, but I struggle with honesty. What is honesty really? Merriam-Webster states that it is defined as “adherence to the facts: sincerity” and “fairness and straightforwardness of conduct”. Well, knowing that who is truly honest then? I can’t even name myself. I mean to say that being truly honest is very hard, difficult and requires us to refuse to lie, or deceive in anyway. If we accept this as true then clearly no one on this planet is honest.
How can we apply this to our lives? Proverbs 12:17 says “An honest witness tells the truth, but a false witness tells lies.” Shakespeare can be quoted as well on honesty, “No legacy is so rich as honesty.” That strikes a chord as a parent doesn’t it? I think as a parent it is important to embody honesty and teach it through action and not just words. Some of us have little children we are raising. Most of us know we need to teach young children to be honest. We need to show them how to be honest. Do not lie, don’t steal, don’t be deceitful, stop hitting your brother. This to me is much easier than when our children are older. When they become teenagers who become young adults, and even harder when they are older adults. It is challenging being a parent, to say the least, and sometimes heartbreaking when they make their choices. Choices we know from experience that bring hurt sometimes physical and almost always emotional. As my grandmother once said to me, “When your children are little they step on your hands, when they are big they step on your heart.”
Jesus was honest his whole life with everyone, strangers, friends, His brother, sister, mother and father. Not once did He step away from being honest. Sometimes his honesty was devasting, just ask Peter, or His mother, or Martha. Look at the results of His honesty, amazing the impact it had on their lives and even ours today. The Word of God is replete with teachings telling us to be honest with God, in our dealings with others as well as ourselves.
I remember when I was in my early 30s. I had made some bad choices, about handling finances. One year in particular my wife and I owed a significant sum to the government for back taxes with penalties of course. I remember feeling overwhelmed, worried and wanting help from someone to get me out of this mess. I called on a relative that I knew had the money and could easily help me and instantly alleviate this problem. I was good for the loan and would pay them back. They flatly refused, the answer was a big fat NO. Man, I have to admit I was angered by this, I mean what right do they have to not help me, I am owed help. I grew up being told when you need help ask for it. Well, I needed help and this this relative says NO. Furthermore, they advised me to contact the IRS and work it out with them and that I should handle it myself. It was not the answer I sought.
Today I look back and I want to say to this relative who loved me enough to be brutally honest with me. Thank you for telling me NO, thank you for not bailing me out. Thank you for letting me stand on my own two feet and handle my business. I learned a great deal from this, and I grew in a positive direction. Was it scary, hard and difficult, yes it was absolutely, it forced me to rely on God and what abilities he had given me. What were the results of this honesty? I learned to be more responsible, I learned that I can handle my own problems, I learned that God was there with me in the midst of my worries, all because someone was honest with me. The facts were that it would not help me to be bailed out, I would not learn anything. I would not have grown. I would have gotten worse, less responsible, less accountable, less independent.
If we do not face facts, and if we are not honest with our children, not honest with ourselves then we are going to lose everything we care about. Why do I say this because, if I love my children then I want them to not need me. Yes, you read that correctly, if I love my children then I want them to grow up and not need me. Need God yes absolutely! But not me, here is where I need to be honest with myself and my children. Our children need to be raised and need to grow up to be able to do it themselves. That is an honest statement and that is a direct example of honesty.
Let’s say I have an adult son. This son makes some bad choices, as we all do, so I provide for him the same as when he was a boy living in my house. I wash his clothes, I cook his meals, I buy him what he needs, purchase what he wants. I provide food, shelter and ask nothing in return. He is an adult now, dependent upon me, he no longer drives, I drive him. He no longer works for a pay check, I use mine for us both. I age, he ages, now he is a middle-aged adult and eventually, I pass. Now he is on his own. What happens after I am gone? How will he pay for groceries? How will he get around when he needs to get medicine from the store, groceries? Where will he get money to pay for life’s expenses, power, internet, cell phone, water, gas, insurance, taxes on the home I left him?
If I do what I just described then I am being dishonest with him, dishonest with myself. If I was honest then would have said NO in the beginning when he needed it, prayed for him and advised him to face his problems head on, himself. Better that then to do this to my child knowing one day I will die and he will be forced to stand on his own without the ability or even knowing how. Honesty for parents is difficult, but necessary if I truly put the needs of my children ahead of my own.